'Dating After Divorce, to Married to an Amazing Guy'
Thank you for all the pointers and advice you’ve given me. I had dated very little before my marriage and when I first got divorced and attempted to meet people, I realized the grass wasn’t so green on the single side of the fence after all. I was very naïve about dating. I didn’t know what to expect and how to project the right image.
With your help, I learned to identify the kind of men that were right from me and to stay away from those who early on showed signs that they weren’t ready for a relationship. You also helped me clarify my dating goals and come up with characteristics of what I’m looking for in a potential partner. I have better defined needs and expectations and I feel more comfortable sharing them with potential partners and establishing clear boundaries from the onset of a relationship.
I feel empowered knowing that I deserve to be treated with respect and that the right person will like me the way I am, and that I do not have to pretend to be someone I’m not in order to have a successful dating and social life. I no longer waste time hoping someone is going to change their ways or start liking me more if I change mine. I can see the red flags early on and I no longer choose to ignore them. I have learned to move on quicker and not waste time on doomed relationships. This has also applied to my social life. I am better at identifying the people who do not enrich my life and have a negative effect on me. I now focus my energy on people with a more positive attitude, who truly value my friendship, even if that means having a smaller social circle.
All this has contributed to making me a more self-confident person and I realize that my new, more positive attitude toward dating make me a more attractive person. No longer a wallflower, I can now approach people I am attracted to, or at least make eye contact with them in a crowd!
Thanks for tirelessly repeating things I didn’t want to hear at first and for never losing your patience with me! Thanks for patiently listening to my rants and letting me express my frustrations, and always pointing me in the right direction… without ever making me feel like the loser I sometimes think I am.
You’re truly a wonderful person with a gift for coaching others. And here's an update I'm absolutely thrilled to tell you about - I met a wonderful man in the fall, and we are now living together! Thank you for all of your help!!
Caroline P., 34
Technical Project Manager, M.B.A.
'Now re-married for 10 years and still going strong!'
'Dating Newbie Finds Love, Now Married with a Son'
Starting coaching with Kat truly was a life-changing decision. Before working with Kat, I seldom went on dates. It was very difficult for me to get out my comfort zone. Part of me was content being single. However, I also wanted to experience the joys of being in a relationship with someone.
So I decided to pursue coaching with Kat. She was kind, empathetic, and listened attentively when I discussed my initial difficulties of finding dates. Kat stressed the importance of breaking out of your comfort zone, taking the initiative in meeting people, and being yourself when you are on a date. You will not meet that special someone by sitting on the couch all the time.
She also came up with wonderful ideas for meeting new people. One suggestion she had was trying dance lessons. Before coaching, you could not pay me to get on a dance floor. However, I became a believer in the slogan “Try it you might like it”. I broke out of my comfort zone and starting taking dance lessons. Little did I know at the time I would eventually meet my future wife on the dance floor. Thus for me the slogan “Try it you might like it” changed to “I tried it and found my soul mate”. Kat also helped me deal with the severe anxiety I experienced when childhood trauma surfaced at the beginning of my new relationship.
Back in 2010 I got married. Today my wife and I share a love that grows deeper each passing day.
I highly recommend Kat’s coaching for anyone who is trying to find true love. Kat’s instruction was the northern star that helped guide me to my soul mate and loving wife.
Kat, thanks again for all your help. It was a joy writing this.
Now married for 5 years and first child just turned one!
'Dateless and Doubtful to Happily Married'
I knew some things about dating, but after some coaching from you, I learned a lot more!
A big light went on when you made me aware of a key issue about a past relationship. I can honestly say I had one of those "wow" moments that will help me to really let go and move on.
I've also improved my flirting skills! I learned that sometimes people can convey things unintentionally through their body language.
I thought I was conveying confidence, but I realized I was conveying unapproachability. You helped me to soften the edges in order to send more specific signals. I've learned to move in a way that makes me appear more feminine, more like the person I really am. This has helped me feel more confident when communicating with new men I meet.
Thanks for helping me to portray myself the way I wanted to!
Jacklynn Little, 40
'Dating Again After the End of a Relationship'
After working with you in the Toronto Star's "Turning Point" series, I just wanted to thank you for being so easy to relate to and for teaching me techniques that will not only help me in finding a suitable partner but can also be applied to other aspects of life.
Your insights helped me put things into perspective and made me realize that I AM worth a great relationship and that the right person is out there if I am open to new people and experiences. I can change the patterns of the past and invite a healthy relationship into my life. Thanks for making me realize that dates can be fun!!! I'm really looking forward to dating now!
Take care and thanks again.
Rob Johnston, 44
'From Escaping the Friend Zone to Happily Married'
I was fortunate to have Kat as a dating coach during the time I was dealing with rejection. Her gentle and compassionate approach made it easy to talk openly about my issues and see things from a healthy perspective. Around that time I was also getting to know the woman who is now my wife. We'd been platonic friends, and I was interested in becoming involved with her. Kat helped me during that crucial time when the relationship can be so fragile, like a seed beginning to sprout. She helped me know what to say, and what not to say, how to read the signs, and how to proceed with the relationship without messing things up like I had done in the past. Having the support and guidance of a great coach made all the difference for me."
Now married and first child just turned two!
'Finally Screening Out the Bad Boys'
Hi Kat, hope you had a wonderful Christmas! Here is a testimonial for you....
Kat, your coaching has been incredible and you have provided me with the tools and confidence I needed to get out there and be everything I can be in dating. You brought me from the depths of despair after a really hard breakup (him leaving me with a broken heart), and not understanding why, to helping me identify the right man with a kind heart that fits and compliments me. I learned to not settle with just anyone, and that not everyone that comes my way is a good fit. It’s really hard to find the right partner in life, and it’s important to figure it out quickly if someone is compatible upon commencement of dating. And you have provided me the tools on HOW to identify the right life partner. Sometimes in dating, you just don’t know what you don’t know - if you have not been provided the right tools from the start (a constant realization for me throughout my sessions with you). So it’s good to get outside advice and coaching.
I would recommend you to anyone who is having a hard time getting, keeping or maintaining relationships.
Kat, kudos. It’s been almost 1 year with a wonderful, fantastic person in my life who loves me very much. I am so lucky to have been referred to you. Thank you!
Now in a serious relationship
'Shy Girl Finds Love'
You've been a really big help to me. After dating jerks who didn't really care about me, I learned to start respecting myself more, and to have standards with guys. They definitely do appreciate you more when you're not always accommodating! This was a big lesson for me. I'm now dating a good guy that I hope I can build a future with. Thanks for your help and good luck with everything. I hope I can be as lucky in love as you are. :)
Now in relationship with a baby on the way!
'Dating After Divorce to Happy Second Marriage'
I would like to say thank you for all your help. Your advice, insights and wisdom were very helpful to me when getting back into the dating game after my marriage ended. It's almost a shame when your good advice pays off, because it means people won't get to speak with you as often anymore. The good news, bad news thing I guess. lol Your articles have been helpful too. It's been the smartest money I've ever spent on dating! I would recommend you to anyone at any time.
Thanks again, and take care!
'Nice Guy Who Didn't Finish Last, Now Married'
Two years ago, Kat coached me on my approach to dating. She is very easy to talk with. So, I was able to open up and ask her for advice.
Kat has amazing gut instincts. She's able to quickly diagnose a problem and suggest ideas to overcome it.
She helped me become aware of the signals I was giving off in dating situations. She also gave me advice on how to relax in a social setting.
I'd definitely recommend Kat as a dating coach.
Trainer, Speaker and Coach
Married 8 years now and son just turned 6!
'Fearful No More'
I found Kat from a post on Facebook and felt it was time I sought some help. I never seemed to have much luck in the dating department and Kat helped me talk a long hard look at myself and my self-limiting beliefs. I have learned to take the man off the pedestal and to give myself a break. I have learned that I am good enough. (This despite traumatic experiences that made me doubt myself)
Throughout working with Kat I have learned to change my self-concept and to change my negative thoughts to positive ones. I have also learned not to personalize rejection, and how much I have to be proud of. It was very easy to work with Kat. Her suggestions, insight and advice were greatly appreciated. There were many times I had difficulty expressing myself but with Kat’s gentle persistence I was able to. Since working with Kat, I have had several people tell me how different my energy is, for the better. Thank you Kat, I would definitely recommend you to anyone who wants to date the “right” person!
Sarah M., 40
Port Credit, Ont.
Now in Serious Relationship
Thank you for all the help you gave me. When I first called you, I was very upset because someone I thought was my boyfriend wasn't contacting me anymore. After working with you, I realized he was never my boyfriend at all, but just a guy who was texting me. You helped me read the signs, to help me recognize when someone was serious about me. I learned not to waste my time anymore. Now I've met someone on-line, and we've been dating for 5 months. This time, I know he really cares about me and is looking towards the future. Also, I am proof that you can help people just over the phone in another city, not just in person! lol
Thanks again, and I wish you all the best. You are always so sweet and caring.
Now in Relationship
'Learning to Trust and Open Up'
When I first came to you, I was frustrated, sad and feeling like I would never meet “the one”. I had met some nice guys, but couldn’t seem to make the relationships “stick”. You helped me realized that I was holding back, not opening up, because I had some old trust issues from the past. I was expecting a guy to do everything to prove that they were the one for me, without giving them much to go on. When I realized I needed to open up and show some vulnerability in order to connect, it made all the difference. I’m feeling much more confident now that I’m going to meet the right guy in the near future. Thanks for your patience and kindness with me – you really make people feel like they can trust you.
All the best,
'She Found Love by Not Giving Up'
I want to thank you for all your help and support in getting me going again! I've always been sociable and met a lot of people, but was beginning to think it would never happen for me again. You encouraged me to just keep trying and to follow your suggestions. Well, it worked! I met a great guy through friends and we hit it off right away. Now we live together and are talking about marriage. The most important thing I learned was to just keep going, keep dating and meeting people, and eventually it will happen.
Thanks for believing in me. I know you will help a lot more women like me. :)
Alison G., 39
Now In Serious Relationship
'Aspie Improves his Social Skills and Ability to Relate'
I recommend Kateryna's services for your dating coaching needs. Kateryna's extensive knowledge in psychology and human relations provides the means necessary to coach typical clients as well as those whose personal circumstances may be more unique. My sessions with her have always been honest, detailed, informative and enlightening. Working with her has helped me to understand women better, and to approach dating with much more confidence and skill.
Steve Palenkas, 36
'From Newly Divorced to Happily Re-Married'
I just wanted to thank you for your wonderful presentation at "Parents Without Partners" and subsequent work that we did together. Dating and finding a new partner can be difficult for anyone but especially for a single parent. I was impressed by how quickly you took the edge off and won us over with your charm and wit. You really engaged us as an audience and answered all our questions in a thoughtful, caring and informative manner. It was great how you could mediate the audience as a forum and share information and ideas in such a manner that some members of the audience were actually able to address the concerns of others.
You opened my eyes to many possibilities for finding dates and meeting new people that before I was unaware of. After hearing what you had to say, I was excited about trying some of the techniques you suggested for meeting new people and expanding my social circle. I also felt much better equipped to deal with issues related to balancing the needs of my child with pursuing a new romance. I know that my search for that special person will be challenging but with your help I know I'll be able to find the woman for me.
Thank you Kat, it's been a real pleasure.
Ken M., 40
Having made a bad choice in my last significant relationship, I was hesitant to start dating again. Kat helped me work on some of my personal fears and roadblocks, helped me increase my confidence in screening potential dates (and mates!), gave a constructive review of my draft profile for an internet dating site, and even took my pictures for that site. Throughout our interactions Kat was warm, supportive, caring and funny. A great “people person”.
Thank you Kat, for your support, patience, and confidence in me!
Social Services Manager
Now in Serious Relationship
Thank you again for all your coaching and guidance.
One of the best parts about the entire process was the great rapport we shared. In addition, your objective opinions of what I was actually conveying, rather than what I myself perceived, were invaluable.
You helped me to see how even the smallest changes can reap enormous results and secure the happiness that we all want and deserve.
The wonderful relationship I’m currently enjoying can be attributed to all your gentle encouragement and insistence on real introspection.
Alison G., 32
Now in Serious Relationship
Your coaching has paid off, and in more ways than I could have anticipated!
Following my divorce, I found it very hard to get out and meet new people. Through your coaching and guidance, my social interactions have increased dramatically. Between an improved sense of self-confidence in unfamiliar settings and learning new conversational skills, the process of meeting new friends and potential partners is fun again.
Your coaching has also started to pay dividends at work. The same skills that have helped my social life have also improved my business networking abilities, helping me to identify referrals and new contacts that I would have missed otherwise.
Thank you, Kat!
Carl S., 37
Now in Serious Relationship
'Building Confidence with Women'
When I contacted Kat for help with dating, the girlfriend I was living with had just broken up with me, so I was feeling pretty bad about my prospects. I knew I could attract women in the past, but I didn't really know how to make a relationship last.
After just one session, Kat was able to determine that I was never very assertive with my ex, my family, or with anyone else in my life. I had just let things happen, and often let people walk all over me. I didn't really say what I wanted, because I had been raised by Chinese parents to be 'a good boy'. After a few months of coaching on my self-esteem and being more assertive, I was able to act more confidently with women and I stopped being afraid of challenging them. I stopped relating to women like I had to please them, and started respecting myself more. Shortly after that, I met a woman through friends and we became a couple. We've been dating for 3 months now, and things are progressing well. I know I wouldn't be at this point if I hadn't worked on being assertive and less afraid, which I didn't even know I needed! Kat has a way of helping you learn things about yourself without making you feel bad about it. I'm thankful for the coaching I got, and I know I wouldn't be where I am today with out it."
I'd never had a girlfriend prior to meeting with Kat. The women that I'd approached in the past either ended up having already a boyfriend/husband (the majority) or weren't interested in me in romantic ways, and in those rare cases that a woman might have been romantically interested initially, I quickly managed to mess it up unintentionally. To make matters worse, I've had to move in with my parents for financial reasons. Needless to say, I was very frustrated with my situation.
I met with Kat a number of times last summer. Kat recommended a number of exercises to do, several books and articles to read, and several suggestions to follow. We focused on building my confidence, reducing my anxiety, and managing my negative thoughts about myself. I followed all of her recommendations to the best of my abilities, and now only a few months after our last session, I've met a woman that I'm seeing regularly. Not a bad result given all my previous failures and current living situation! Had I not had the sessions with Kat, I would probably have messed up my chances with my new friend once again.
In the end I got the results I was looking for, and I thank Kat from the bottom of my heart for all her help.
Lab Technician & Student Teacher
Just wanted to thank you for the advice you gave me several weeks ago. I had told you how nervous and apprehensive I was feeling, weeks before that party I was attending.
The pointers you gave me helped me to feel much more comfortable than I would have otherwise felt. Because of your help, I was able to approach and strike up conversations with women I found attractive. The party was a complete success for me. I felt so confident, I danced with a number of women that night. Before I would have felt too shy.
Thank you for breathing new life into my social life.
Carlton W., 40
North York, Ont.
Now in Long-term Relationship, with 2 children
Just a few words to thank you for your help and your belief in me. After my divorce, I had a hard time believing I would meet anyone special again. You encouraged me to believe in myself and what I had to offer, and reminded me again and again to be positive and to never give up. It's not as easy to meet a guy after 50, but your tips really helped keep it all in perspective and enabled me to meet my now-fiance on-line. I know women say you can't meet a good guy on-line, but it's just not true. I know that's how you met your fiance, too. :)
It was a pleasure working with you, and I wish others all the best with meeting someone too.
Director, Human Resources
I am writing to you today because I wanted to let you know how delighted I am to have taken what was admittedly a reluctant step on my part in asking for your assistance in helping me to improve my relationship and dating skills.
I have tried various methods and techniques described in books, magazines and group sessions throughout the years and needless to say none of them helped me very much. It was with great skepticism that I contacted you to help me out and I must say that you quickly dispelled all of my reservations.
Your knowledge of the subject matter is amazing, and your style and warm presence made it very easy for me to engage in the process. Not only did you help me to identify my baggage and issues, you also helped me to accept them, and more importantly, to start to resolve and discard them. I feel happier overall, and so much better equipped to find and maintain a healthy relationship that's different from my past ones. I now know I will find the person best suited to me. All of the advice and tools that you provided, including the image changes that resulted from the clothing suggestions you made, have given me a new sense of self and confidence which is DEFINITELY coming through. Over the past few weeks I've been getting a LOT of interest and suggestive comments from quite a few women who wouldn't have even looked at me before. This is from women who already know me AND from total strangers too. In fact, I'm exuding so much confidence that I've even been recently "hit on" by a 21 year-old, even though I'm more than twice her age!! None of this would have been possible without your expertise and insight.
Throughout the entire process your dedication and professionalism shone through in a very gentle and non-obtrusive manner. You are very good at what you do Kat, and I wouldn’t hesitate for a second to recommend you to any of my friends or family. You should seriously consider cloning yourself. :)
Jordan L., 49
Senior Technical Consultant, Corporate
Now in Serious Relationship
This fall, Kat spoke to the students and faculty here at the English First International Language School in downtown Toronto.
A lively and engaging speaker, she shared all kinds of useful information regarding the dating process for people of all ages. The students clearly enjoyed listening and learning about how to become more effective at dating.
Audience participation was definitely at an all-time high with this topic, as Kat responded to the group's questions and comments with humour, tact, and sensitivity. She really captured their interest by explaining relevant cultural and social differences. It was unfortunate we had to end when we did!
We'd love to have Kat back again to share more of her knowledge and insights. Anyone interested in better dating skills or stronger social relationships can benefit from the information she shares.
English First International Language School, Toronto
Whether you've been dating for years or are just starting again, working with Dating Coach Kat Spiwak is a worthwhile investment.
With compassion, caring, and "relationship-savvy", Kat helps her clients to understand that it all starts with THEM. Unless each of us is clear on who we are and what we are looking for in a relationship, it's a shot in the dark every time.
Kat helps you gain that clarity so you know when a dating scenario is right for you or not. This is especially true if you have a pattern of choosing the wrong person over and over again. Sometimes, we become confused because we're eager to give everyone "another chance", and we risk involvement with someone who isn't right for us. A conversation with Kat regarding this can be very eye-opening and stress-reducing. She is honest and forthright, while being tactful and empathetic to the existing dilemma.
Irene A., 38
San Diego, Calif.
This letter is to thank you for your help with my social and professional interpersonal skill sets. Within a short period of time, you have coached me to become more confident with dating and socializing in general.
The comfortable atmosphere you created made discussing and analyzing my personal issues easy and fun. We quickly targeted the areas where I needed improvement, and you gave me the guidance and insight I needed. Now I understand more about how I approach women and my role in relationships, and this will improve my approach in the future.
The information that you have provided has had dramatic effects already. I have noticed that people are finding me more approachable and my conversations with new people are lasting longer than they would have normally. I'm also becoming better at networking for business. Even my closest friends have commented on the improvements to my personal image, my confidence, and my overall attitude.
Your advice is something that I can carry with me for the rest of my life!
Klaus J., 41
I was always very shy with women, but after working with you I'm feeling more confident. What really helped was learning more about my insecurities and how they played out. I realized I was being held hostage to my negative thoughts and they were controlling my interactions. They were also making me feel depressed a lot of the time. Changing my negative thought patterns and becoming more positive about myself has helped me a great deal. It's really the biggest piece of the dating puzzle, and getting a handle on it has helped more than anything else.
I really appreciate your work and your help Kat. I'm sure all people who work with you feel the same.
Thank you Kat.
Take good care of yourself. :)
'Newly Divorced and Loving It'
Kat is terrific! She really understands the dating game - playing on your strengths, identifying the right matches, mixing with others, managing your image, online profiles, and more. Kat is a good listener who mixes good advice and warmth in the right measures. In the end, she helped me get results in what is a very difficult market to navigate - contemporary dating. With her help, I have managed to find and connect with the right women for great dates and relationships, both on-line and through my newly expanded social networks. I highly recommend her!
International Financial Consultant (and Man of Mystery)
I just wanted to thank you for the advice you have given me. I came as a person that had no self esteem and was very negative, I thought I could not attract women and was not good looking. But Kateryna made me realize that in order to attract women I would have to feel better about myself because we project to others what we feel. And was she ever right. With some exercises and tips she gave me I noticed a change in me and how others were more responsive to me. I learned to build my confidence and to manage my anxiety over being rejected. I feel much more better about myself and I know I will attract the right woman for me.
You're really good at explaining how the female mind works. I've been dating for years, but confess I was always guessing at what women want and what they expect from men. Then when they didn't want to go out again, I was always confused.
Your insights have helped me to realize I need to be more attentive and pay more attention to nonverbal signals so I can figure out what's going on. Thanks for the help and for not making me feel silly for having so many questions.
Geoff R., 37
Kat helped me with recognizing that feeling a sexual attraction to someone doesn't necessarily mean that it will turn into a meaningful relationship. So now I stop and think "do I just want to have sex with this person or do I really like him as a person?"
Kat helped me realize that I sometimes overlook the incompatibilities in someone because I get lonely and want someone in my life, so I sometimes "settle". I've learned to try to find out in the first date or two if he has the qualities that are really important to me to eliminate wasting his time and mine by seeing things that aren't there.
'Taking Risks for a Fresh Start'
Thank you for all your help. My time with you was well spent and I learned many things to help me with small talk and where to meet potential dates. I did a lot of things I wouldn’t have done without your encouragement, like speed dating and a singles dance, social evenings at the ROM and internet dating. Your help setting up my profile was invaluable. It was a fun year.
This is just a quick note to again thank you for coming out to the library last night and giving your talk. I got a lot out of it.
Your talk was very informative and well presented. What stuck out in my mind and I think will carry through and use is when you said something like "If there is doubt, it may not be right". That got me thinking of some past relationships.
There were many points that you brought out that are common sense but sometimes we need a reminder which you provided. You also brought up some interesting ideas for meeting people that I had not thought of. But you didn't just go into dating and meeting people, you touched on things to think about while dating and beyond that I will carry forward with me.
I liked your relaxed style of presentation, and the fact that you answered every question with such confidence that shows experience and knowledge.
Michael L., 43
Just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed your presentation. I highly recommended you to our "Parents Without Partners" Mississauga & Brampton chapters to have you aboard.
24 hours after witnessing your presentation I implemented your answer to my question about "what a woman could do while grocery shopping to gain the attention of a man." It worked & was fun! Our segment on grocery shopping alone, such a routine activity, was brilliant. Everyone there enjoyed the funny, thought-provoking session.
It was an excellent evening provided by an insightful woman on a topic relevant for anybody who dates. I appreciated the wonderful evening & hope to see you at the next PWP presentation.
Thanks again for all your help!
Dave M., 44
I had great luck to encounter Kat while working as a columnist for a pair of Canadian magazines, UMM and Bobbi. For each column I laid out a series of dating questions sourced from real life, and got takes from a set of experts on each - Kat was a consistent guest star who offered an expert opinion from the female perspective for every column.
I gleaned a lot from her about what constitutes real human connection, how to find it and how to value it, and I'm happy to say by extension my outlook on my own love life was a lot rosier for having met her. She was a pleasure to speak to, always insightful and candid, and more importantly, an incredibly effective dating coach.
Brand Agent, Content Producer and Promotional Strategist
'Learning to Make Better Choices'
I was never shy, but I usually had trouble screening guys and finding guys who were serious about me. I wasted a lot of time with the wrong ones. After working with you, I have a much better sense of how to date, that is to date effectively, no longer wasting my time. It’s a lot more fun when you’re in control and not worrying about whether a guy is into you. Now, I see the signs and walk away if he isn’t. I know you’re going to save me a lot of time and effort.
Thanks, it was fun working with you!
'Overcoming Personal Doubts and Building Confidence'
Kat’s amazing! I had only had one session with her, but she’s so skilled & knowledgeable that right away she was able to give me very concise advice on how to deal with a girl I was seeing. Kat helped me see that she wasn’t good for me, and gave me specific suggestions on how to keep myself sane and move on. In less than half an hour!
I can’t wait to continue our work together. I know she’ll help me find the right woman.